Cancer – Fuck. The Hell. Off.

It’s no secret that I’m a cancer survivor. I’ve mentioned it as a fleeting comment in a couple of blogs, though I consider the word “survivor” a misnomer. Cancer is an insidious disease that comes and goes.  Once gone, it doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. Do I live with the fear that it might come back? Sure, but I don’t think about it—today I did.

I rarely write expletives outside of my fiction. It’s not how I choose to express myself, but after hearing about the death of Steve Jobs ….

Over the past month, I’ve watched a dear friend dying of cancer. We met as part of a support group for breast cancer and became fast friends. After years of being cancer-free, hers returned to her bones. It’s been heartbreaking to see her waste away, and today was a difficult visit with her.

This evening, I had dinner with another close friend, herself a cancer survivor. She is dealing with her elderly mother who also has cancer. I came home and turned on my MacBook Pro and found out about the death of Steve Jobs—fighter – innovator – cancer survivor, until today.

Sometimes a good cry is therapeutic. Sometimes writing about it is. Tonight, I needed both.




Filed under Revelations & Humor

53 responses to “Cancer – Fuck. The Hell. Off.

  1. Thanks for your post Eden. I guess I am new enough to your blog to not know that you are a cancer survivor. Even though my body has not yet been attacked by cancer many I know and love have either lost the battle or are fighting still. It was hard to read of Steve Jobs death because he was such the fighter. He beat the odds in so many ways as do we all in our own space and time.

    Deep Peace,



    • No worries, Ardee-ann, it’s only been a fleeting comment in a couple of posts that had nothing to do with cancer.
      I agree when someone like Steve Jobs dies, it brings pause to many who’ve fought it.
      Thanks for your comment,


  2. Dear, Eden. Be as explicit as we all feel. Having gotten to know you I know all your words are measured and with meaning. Each time you mention your past bout with cancer my heart tightens. You are in my prayers.

    Your friends are lucky to have you care about them. Cancer takes so many great minds but they don’t die a meanless death. They are remembered and lesson from them are passed from friend to friend. There is more… I know that to be true.


  3. Eden, I did not feel like I needed to respond or reply to any of the social network posts about Steve Job until I saw yours. You hang in there girl and don’t despair! You’re a strong lady with a beautiful soul. I’m right next to you chanting: Cancer – Fuck. The Hell. Off.


  4. Even for writers, the words to express our frustration, our sadness with suffering, our own and that of others, they’re hard found. And even found, how far can they take us out of our muck? Somewhere along the way, I said fuck surviving and fuck the fear. There’s got to be another way. And though it is not an easy one either, it at least heads out of the darkness. You’re tucked safely in my heart this night, Eden, and any other time you might want.


  5. My dear Eden,

    I am so sorry you had to lose someone close to you through cancer. Your words express exactly how I feel about the disease.

    Hugs and love


  6. I have uttered those words so often – have felt guilty so often that I haven’t died from the cancer and friends have (including my friend from forever/editor’s mother) I too know that it can lurk and even if I make 5yrs all clear (am up to 3) the fear wont go but its buried very very deep because I am alive and I mean to enjoy it.

    look after yourself

    Every time another loses the battle I wish so much we could conquer this misalignment of cells – it improves I know it does the survival rate from when I was young has increased tremendously but hurry up scientists hurry up


  7. Love your post, Eden.

    Rock on.


  8. Terry Sulley

    Thank you for your words, Eden, for I am speechless and with a heavy heart. And yes, thankfully, those scientists are giving us some hope.


  9. Larry Enright

    All I’ve got is a smile for you, Eden, and maybe a prayer or two.



  10. Thank you for being my angel when I needed one and supporting me thru my own cancer journey.

    We buy a lot of tickets in the hopes of winning homes, cars or trips and there are countless walks in support of the fight against cancer but it all seems in vain when you’re watching someone wasting away. I’m starting my own “I hate cancer campaign”.


    • Carol, yesterday was a low day, punctuated by the death of a man whom I admired for his creativity, intelligence and tenacity.

      I don’t want a combative relationship with cancer, nor do I feel I must always respect it. Somedays I just need to say “Enough already, fuck off.”



  11. When I’m President of the World, I’m going to abolish cancer.

    Wonderful blog, Eden. It really is time it fucked the hell off. xoxox


  12. My grandmother and several dear family members have lost their lives to cancer, and I’ve had two scares myself. Fuck cancer. There, I said it, and I rarely use that word. EVER.

    I’m sorry for your struggle with that awful disease, and I’m praying for your continued clean bill of health.


    • Thanks Amberr. I honestly don’t think about it all that often, as I’m pretty much a “live each day as it comes” type of girl, but yesterday was such a sad reminder that even the strongest, smartest, most driven person can and do succumb.



  13. john peck

    Well you’re feisty! I was always very polite to my cancer, I didn’t want to make it any meaner. Seems to have worked for me.


  14. iSad a great loss and a great innovator


  15. Mae

    The word ‘cancer’ conjures up such negative thoughts and images of loved ones and friends who have suffered through this dreadful disease. What continues to give hope to others is the collective efforts of people running for the cause, raising donations to fund research and the spirits of survivors who stand up and fight that make a difference. You are my hero and I am blessed and honored to be your friend.

    I am a very recent Apple convert and I am sad to hear of Steve Jobs passing. He will be remembered for his innovation as his contributions have changed the way we all interact with technology.


    • Mae, you’re right. The collective work of families and friends and those who’ve had cancer to find a cure keeps the hope alive that we will eliminate cancer in our lifetimes.

      I’m very sad about Steve Jobs. He was someone I really admired.

      Thanks for your comment. It means soooo much to me, and I hope you know I adore you for your words.


  16. Mary Louise

    Thanks Eden. It is 5 years ago this week that my mother lost her fight with cancer. It was a long hard fight that no one should have to fight. Hopefully one day no one will. Love you girl. ML


  17. Draven Ames

    Good post, Eden. The death of Steve Jobs is a sad one, and so many others die from cancer each year. It’s a hard disease to face. Your passion shines through. I’m sorry about your friend and hope that she, and everyone else’s loved ones have a cure soon. We race, donate and everything else, but it never seems like enough. One year no smoking here. Knocking on wood.



  18. Eden, I also did not know you were a cancer survivor. With Jobs’ death and it being breast cancer awareness month, we are all confronted with how much research still needs to be done, how we can improve our lifestyle for prevention or early detection, and the impact of the disease on so many of us. Thanks for this post!


  19. Eden, what can I say? I feel for you. In my eyes, you’re not just a survivor, you’re an inspiration.

    Cancer is a ugly monster and there is no way of knowing when and whom he’ll attack. I’m just grateful that in your brave battle against him you are the victor, and I pray that you will continue your winning streak.

    So sorry about you having to watch your friends being taken away. We all know someone with cancer of one form and another, so we know how hard it is, especially in days like these.

    Thinking of you. Love your post and even more, your spirit!


  20. L.M. Stull

    Awww. Sometimes you really do need to just write and cry. My thoughts and prayers are with your friend, as well. I know how hard it is to see someone wither away. Sending some warm sunshine, really strong adult beverages, and hugs your way 🙂

    ❤ Lisa


  21. ((Hugs)) You’re the epitome of elegance – even when using the f-bomb. 😀 My friend’s son had leukemia, he beat it and is back to “normal” but it is an insidious disease. Telling it to fuck off has power.


  22. I don’t think that there is a single person that hasn’t been affected in some way by this terrible disease. My mother died at 57 when her breast cancer spread to her bones. We can only hope and pray for a total cure for what must be our most frightening of illnesses.


  23. Straight from your big, lovely heart! There’s nothing like telling things that way. Thank you for sharing such an important part of your life, dear Eden — I feel privileged, as I’m sure we all do. I will hope and wish and pray that you will remain happy and healthy always.

    Love and biggest hugs imaginable,


    • Michael, how wonderful it is to see you here! I’m touched by your words and appreciate the incredibly warm sentiment that is attached to them.

      Huge hugs back to you 😉
      xoxox +++


  24. Pingback: “Cancer – My Story” |

All comments are appreciated.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s