MARCH 6, 2018

Crossing Over

The image titled “Over the Bridge” was the prompt for this episode of R.B. Wood’s WordCount Podcast.

My story inspiration

In the photo, I see a mystery man walking away from me. A bridge is a wonderful metaphor for many things, and in the case of my story called “Crossing Over,” I wanted the bridge to signify “change.” They say change is supposed to be good, right?

You can also listen to me reading the story on episode 73 of R.B. Wood’s podcast. Please excuse the raspy voice. I had an awfully sore throat that day!

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Dan walked over the bridge and disappeared in the distance. When I could no longer see him, I started my car and drove in the opposite direction. He was returning home to his family—wife, kids, dog, cat. The only thing missing was the house with the white picket fence. He even had a grandchild while we were together. That’s how long he has been with his wife.

He was the pillar of the community, but he had his demons.

That was obvious since he was with me.

We never talked about our personal lives unless it interfered with our weekly meeting. It’s not that we formally decided to keep silent about it, but over time, our primary relationships became sacred cows. More importantly, we had little enough time together as it was, and we wanted to make it all about us.

We checked in to our usual room on Clark Street. It was simple but offered everything we needed. The owners welcomed us the first time they met us seven years ago. It didn’t matter if they thought we were a couple or not. They offered what was most important for us—discretion and security.

“You know what they say about the seven year itch,” Dan said after we entered the room and began to undress.

I did, but I didn’t know what he was talking about. Things had been going so well between us that he made me nervous with his off-hand remark. “No … I’m not exactly sure what you mean,” I said with hesitation. “Are you saying we should end it?”

He gave me a look that made me love him just a little bit more, even though I never thought it possible to love another human being as much as I loved him.

“Yes,” he said, nodding, “we should end it, but not with us … with our spouses.”

“What?”

Dan led me to the bed and we both sat down. “Look,” he said, “what’s the worse that can happen?” He pulled out a small velvet box from his pants’ pocket and handed it to me.

My breath caught in my throat. “What—what is this?”

“Open it,” he said. His giant smile could not hide the emotion in his eyes. Even as the big, burly protector, he was known to shed a tear or two.

With shaky hands, I flipped the top of the box open and saw a simple gold band inside. “Oh … Dan … what have you done?”

“I’m securing our future, that’s what I’m doing. We can make up the rules as we go along.” Dan placed a finger under my chin and lifted my head. “We can do this.”

I looked into his dark, bear-like eyes and melted. “But … but …”

“No buts,” he said. “I just wanted to let you know how I feel. You’ve given me the happiest times of my life.”

And with that, we didn’t see the light of day until we got up this morning.

For so long, we had delved into the fantasy of who we were. We talked about all the what ifs, the possible fall-out, and how much pain we would cause everyone. When the conversation got too heated, we fell into each other’s arms and fucked our brains out, and then it was time to go back to our normal lives.

Normal.

Who can define normal anymore?

I certainly had not been living it for the past seven years since meeting Dan. My guess was I had not been living the life I wanted long before that.

My marriage was a mistake from the beginning. Taylor was an A1 personality, corporate executive, and on the go constantly. I wasn’t born with that drive, and it caused endless arguments for us. Where I was the homebody, Taylor needed to be with people all the time. Parties, meetings, events, it wasn’t what I wanted in life. It wasn’t me.

Dan was walking over that bridge, as he had walked time and time again since I met him. Now, I wanted to cross over it with him.

Before he left, he made me promise that we would tell our spouses about us before we met again next week.

“I’m going to tell my wife tomorrow,” he said. “There’s no point delaying it. I want to start living my life with you as soon as possible.”

I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Okay … I’m going to tell my wife tomorrow too.”