I adore Lorca. She’s an amazing woman—sarcastic, caring, witty, and it all comes across in her writing. I had the great pleasure of learning more about her when she produced the Spreecast Party for Indies Unite for Joshua.
Find out more about this firecracker and make sure you read her blog – she’s worth every word. She is also a staff writer for GoodEReader.com’s online magazine, so follow her there too.
Please welcome the funny, snarky lady with the beautiful hair, Lorca Damon.
So…Who is Lorca?
Buy link for all of Lorca’s books: Amazon
Inside Lorca Damon’s Mind
What is your idea of perfect happiness? My idea of perfect happiness is living in a world where I can drink all the wine I want to without a) damaging my liver, b) gaining weight, and c) not losing my children to the authorities if someone discovers that my decorating style incorporates empty wine bottles.
What turns you on creatively? Titles. I’m a sucker for a good punch-to-the-gut title, so I often end up thinking, “Oh my goodness, THAT would be a great title,” then having to write the story around it.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? My most overused words are things like “awesome” and “seriously” and “totally,” because I’m hyperexcited about literally everything. In the whole world. Talking to me is like trying to pet a Jack Russell Terrier.
What quality do you most admire in a man? Hair. I am weak-in-the-knees for good hair, mostly because it’s what’s lacking in my own marriage. To be fair, hair is the only thing my husband can’t bring to the relationship, so taken as a whole hair isn’t really that high on my list of must-haves.
What quality do you most admire in a woman? Ditto for women. Mostly because I, too, do not have good hair.
[Eden: Absolutely untrue, check out her picture, she has GREAT HAIR!]
What is your greatest regret? My greatest regret is that I don’t have more kids. We have two special needs kids and my husband and I both kind of came to the conclusion that we don’t cook them right so we really shouldn’t keep tempting Fate. I always thought I’d have a huge family, but we’re 0 for 2 on getting their brains put together in the right way. (author’s note: I know that may have sounded completely offensive, and I apologize now for me and my family).
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I hate to think that I’m shallow enough that the one thing I would change about myself is my craptastic metabolism, because everybody wishes they were just a pinch hotter-looking. But I embrace my shallowness as just a part of the awesome that is me.
What is your greatest fear? Any idiot can be afraid of clowns, so to say that they are my greatest fear is really underachieving. And I’m actually fine with clowns, as a concept. What really creeps me out though are people who want to dress like clowns. They are not right.
Which living person do you most admire? I really do admire Harper Lee, but again, as an English teacher I’m not really shocking anyone by saying I think she’s awesomesauce. I guess other than her, I really admire anybody who can think of other people first, and there’s a whole quiet list of people out in the world doing just that. The planet would seriously stop spinning if it weren’t for all the people who wake up every day and quietly just make it all good.
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? I really wish I was a truck driver. Or a flight attendant. I love to travel.
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be? I used to think I wanted to come back as any dog owned by my parents because those things are the most spoiled creatures alive, but as I’m sitting here thinking about it, their dogs don’t really live that long. So I would come back as their pet and live the high-life…for about two years. Then I’d probably come back as something sucky.
What do you consider your greatest achievement? My greatest achievement is being named the 2010 Prison Teacher of the Year. It’s like a beauty pageant, a popularity contest, and a bad-ass person contest, all rolled into one. Plus, it’s just really fun to say. Try it out for yourself, say, “I’m the Prison Teacher of the Year.” See if you don’t get a few stares when you introduce yourself.
What is the trait you most deplore in others? I cannot stand people who don’t turn the right way in the elevator. If you were meant to walk in and face the rest of us, there wouldn’t be a door behind you.
What is your greatest extravagance? My greatest extravagance is a housekeeper. I go out of my way to not reenact bad parts from The Help whenever she comes over to clean. I justify having someone else scrub my toilets by telling myself that I work two jobs AND write books, and plus there’s this one time that I think I food poisoned my family by thinking I had turned on the dishwasher but I hadn’t, then I took the plates out and served dinner on them. Totally my bad, y’all.
What is one thing you want to do before you die? I want to ride all over America in the ugliest RV I can find, and I want to see everything.
What is your favorite music (genre/artist/album/song)? MY music is really, really varied. I just hear songs that I like, not necessarily artists. But I guess I own more music from Linkin Park than from any other artist.
What are some of your favorite curse words? Fucknuts, ass hat, and douche Nazi.
What is your motto? “It can be done. But probably not by me.”
Thank you Lorca for making me laugh my ass off. Readers, if you’ve enjoyed this interview, please comment and stalk Lorca at her many homes on the internet.
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